Thursday, May 16, 2013

Mr. Snortles

Mr. Snortles saw everything.

His grey eyes shone like a car's high beams out from under the silver Honda Civic that was parked in the driveway.
He blinked slowly and his downy tail flicked back and forth.

Oh, this is delicious, he thought, as he watched Mrs. Stevens open her neighbour's door, and twist her neck side to side, looking for the all clear.

The door closed and the light turned off. A figure joined her and attacked her face as if she were a ripe, young bunny, their bodies squished together like canned tuna.

Mr. Snortles licked the fur around his mouth. He saw Bud saunter towards him and poke his wet, black nose under the car. Mr. Snortles hissed and waved his paw in warning. Bud whimpered and scampered away. Mr. Snortles smirked then licked his butt.

He turned his laser beam stare back to Unit 31. Mrs. Stevens' soft body was pressed up against the door. Goodness, thought Mrs, Snortles, and she's not even pretty. How on earth that man is attracted to her, I shall never understand. And her husband is way more good looking than this twat.

He yawned and his left ear twitched. A fly was buzzing around his head. Mr. Snortles half heartedly tried to paw it away but gave up. The fly, who hadn't had a decent meal since breakfast was delighted. Ah, food at last! he thought, as he sank down into the furry flesh.

Mr. Snortles started to doze off and was woken when he heard a door shut. He turned his head and saw Mrs. Stevens walking quickly up the street to her house, Unit 18. The sun was beginning to lower. It was almost dinner time.

He felt a stirring in his stomach and let out a small gurgle in anticipation. He stretched his front legs so that his paws stuck out on the driveway.

Mrs. Stevens turned at the sudden movement and stopped. She squinted at the car and saw two bright globes underneath. Vermin, she thought, and hurried on home to clean up. She sighed and wondered whether she should shower but she also wanted to smell like Harry for the rest of the night.

Mr. Snortles arched his back and leisurely stretched out his toes, one by one. He shook his flank and the fly flew out, surprised and full.

A door slammed shut and feet walked briskly to the car. The engine started. The car started to move. Mr. Snortles' fur stood on end. Oh sh---

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